Ease My Mind

I am SERIOUSLY happy about my English and Reading scores! I hate my Math and Science ones, but I figure that I can only improve on that. I mean, a 30 is still pretty good, right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Wow.

I'm happy with that.

In other news, I have a case of swimmers ear, so my hearing is muffled and my head hurts something bad.
I have mucus leaking down the back of my throat, so I've been hacking all night and day.
And my mom just squeezed alcohol wipes into my ears, so I'm temporarily deaf.

But I don't think I've ever been happier.

Last night I talked to Tommy for a LONG time.
I don't mean it was actually a conversation; it was more like I was talking on and on and on and he just listened.

See, when I'm getting better after feeling like complete crap, I get hyperactive and giggly and excited and just weird.
I laugh at every little thing, I talk on and on, stopping to laugh at my own terrible, terrible jokes, and just generally freak out anyone in the vicinity.

So you have to understand that it really was amazing that Tommy didn't hang up on me. I would laugh at every little thing he said and, eventually, I got started on listing reasons why I loved him so much, discussing each in great detail.

GREAT detail. I probably talked for almost 2 hours straight which, with this sore throat and crack-voice, was really a feat for me. I got up to about number 9 before he went to bed, since he has work today. And even that was at about 1 in the morning.

And I just feel fantastic because I said everything that I've always wanted to say or that I've tried to say without him stopping me. I mean, I'm always honest with him, but I've withheld some things just because I thought that 'Oh, well, he wouldn't want to hear about how much I appreciate his honesty with me.' or 'I don't want to freak him out by saying that I love the way his nose looks.'

All those little things that I save for blogs, I said last night and I feel great because of it.

I just got off the phone with him. He always calls me before he slides into work.
As most of you should know by now, he works for the Tipton County dispatch office in Covington.
Y'know, 911 and all that.
And I feel so terrible for him because he gets so frustrated because he feels like he isn't doing enough there. Like he isn't getting it as quickly as he should, y'know? He's only been there, like, a month and half though! I seriously doubt they expect him to know everything within two months of getting the job.

He keeps getting irritated when he has to ask for help on a call because he doesn't know what information he needs to get. The only way I can think around that, besides studying like crazy, would be to put yourself in shoes of the person calling. If I had just been shot, what kind of information would I feel like I need to give to 911? And then just form questions around that.

I don't know though. I feel kind of useless myself when he calls me and rants. I listen to everything he says as carefully as I can, and try to contribute some sort of comfort, but I feel like I'm doing a really crap job of it. I wish I could be more than just there for him, but I guess that's really all I can do. We've been spending every weekend with each other, talking until God knows when at night, and it's been great. He says he's enjoying all the time we're spending together and I know that it's the highlight of MY week, for sure.

GAH! I miss him so much! It's not that he doesn't talk to me or see me enough, I just miss him like hell!
All I can do during the day is think about him! The more I look back on everything we've been through, the more excited I get about what the future holds for us!

I know, it's terrible.
It's, like, all I can talk about
:D

It's back to the days when Tommy and I first started going out, but better because we've been through so much already that we know what we're doing now. In fact, I feel like taking a trip down memory lane. Let me just jaunt over to my MySpace and grab an old blog.

This one is titled 'Hello, I've Missed You Quite Terribly' from 'Here in Your Arms' by Hellogoodbye.

June 17th, 2007

"GOD I love him.

Shuddup.
I KNOW that Tommy is pretty much all I talk about in my more recent blogs, but hey, he's the highlight of my life right now.

Any doubts that I had about him have melted away quicker than the ice cream I had at Dairy Queen yesterday.

Maman and Tommy can vouche that it melted VERY quickly.
(laughs)

So yea, I s'pose I'll talk about yesterday.
'Cause it was awesome.

I don't usually go on my parents geocaching trips, since I hate bushwacking, but mostly all we did was micros.

Micros = little itsy bitsy magnet demons attached to signs that only have a tiny slip of paper inside to sign,

We did one at Chicken George's cemetery that had little toys in it.
It was a pretty neat place.
I can't remember what we left in it, but Tommy took a little Gingy toy that was in there.
(laughs)
Now he won't leave it alone.
It's his little buddy. ^_^

And the minismiths have beat their record of twelve caches in one day!
Now the bar is set at 14!
Or fifteen. I don't remember.
^_^;;;

By the way, Fred-Ah-Rickets, did you know that the cache you suggested to me in my last blog, your Lionel Booth's Folly (I think that's what it was), is the second oldest geocache in the state of Tennessee?

That is the coolest.
We were going to go get it, but it was out of the way from where we were going.

But we WILL get it.

XD

Man. . ..

(laughs) I feel like such a girl saying this, but I just have to.

After we finished geocaching for the day, we headed back to our house and Tommy hung out for a little while. Had dinner with us. Mr. Dan, Mrs. Gloria, and Daniel from down the street came over to hang out.

So, my brother and Daniel were playing some Godzilla game on the PS2 and I was behind Tommy on the couch.

I started crying.

I don't think I've ever felt more like a female. (laughs)

A moment later, I realized what thought threw me over the edge.
I had been thinking about how nice it was that Tommy actually WANTED to be where he was right now.
He wasn't forced to be there.
It was his choice.
And then one thought. . .ONE thought just. . . .
It shattered me.
I don't know WHY it did, but it did.
"If I close my eyes, when I open them again to see, he'll still be there. He isn't going anywhere, anytime soon." 

And I mean, I wasn't sobbing or anything crazy like that, but I WAS crying.
I was just so happy. . ..

I felt like everything was actually going well for once.
Like, FINALLY, I'm going in the direction I want to go in.

Plus, it's nice to prove all the girls that think Tommy is just after one thing/is just using me as a jealousy ploy wrong. ^_^

Because I know that I'm not the best girl in the world.
I know I'm not the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest, the skinniest.
I know.
But it just feels so good to know that someone is okay with me just the way I am.

Dammit, now I'm going to start crying again.
:' )
(schniffle)

I hate being so hormonal this time of the month."

Man, I got teary-eyed just reading that over.
I think I need a moment to myself.