The Skies Caught Fire and the Oceans Froze

Gah! I can't sleep, so I changed the look of my blog and decided to make one real quick. My internet was shut off for ALL of yesterday (I only say yesterday because it's almost 3 a.m. right now) because I was playing too much on Facebook. TOTALLY gay, but whatever.

I had an orthodontist appointment today, which totally sucked and was awesome at the same time. I had to get a couple brackets (those square things on my teeth) popped off and readjusted. That means Dr. Weiss had to YANK the brackets off, the dental assistant had to grind the old paste from the brackets off my teeth, so they would be smooth again, and then they had to use these horrendous plastic pieces to keep my mouth open while they glued the new brackets on and let them dry. And let me tell you, that glue is DISGUSTING. It takes FOREVER to get that taste out! Not to mention having to deal with having my teeth polished with the force of an obese rhino.

Okay, it wasn't all THAT bad, but it still hurt. My front tooth is still sore from the trauma.
Luckily, though, I don't have to wear rubber bands for a little while! YAY!

Otherwise, the day has been pretty boring. I messed around in Photoshop a LOT, just screwing with photos and came up with some pretty neat things, like my new banner picture for this blog, along with some pictures that you can view on my Facebook of Tommy and one that's on my MySpace.

So today (yesterday) wasn't a total waste. Plus, I got to talk to the very handsome and wonderful Tommy Lee Walker! Man, I have to say, I love that man. I say that like I don't say it enough, even though I know I have. Every thing has been SO perfect lately. I mean, each of the past four weekends we've done something together. Regretfully, this was brought on by the Fred-thing, but it just makes my heart explode that he really does love me and that he really does take our relationship seriously.

I remember when we broke up the second time, and I was talking to Scott about the entire ordeal one night. Somehow, someway, the conversation got onto the topic of why Tommy didn't want to be with me anymore. I knew that, whatever it was, it would tear me up inside, but I still wanted to know. I knew that it was, in part, because I had changed as a person, which I totally understood; there was more to it though. I remember Scott telling me that Tommy had said that I took the relationship WAY too seriously.

God, that KILLED me. I didn't expect Tommy to feel the same way about the relationship that I did, but I really wasn't expecting to hear that he didn't think it was a very serious relationship.

But now it's like. .. I don't know. I REALLY don't want Tommy to feel like he's just settling for whatever he has in front of him, y'know? That whole "Well, I'm an adult now. I need to find someone to be with for the rest of my life. Oh! You'll do!" At the same time, I get all warm and tingly inside when I look at his relationship status on Facebook and it says 'Married to Taylor Smith'.

I also don't want him to feel like he has to prove anything to me. Before the Fred-thing, I WAS worried that Tommy didn't think of our relationship the same way I did. I definitely was afraid that, at any point in time, he was going to break up with me because I wasn't the girl for him anymore or because he had found someone better. When we started going out again on April 12th, I swore to myself that if he did break up with me again, I wasn't going to go into another slump and I was just going to accept it like a mature individual. Then Fred came along and he WAS there for me, but that's about all he had going for him; he was really just a good friend. I was playing with the idea of a relationship with him in my mind, but I still loved Tommy and wanted to be there for him, to be with him, hence why I decided not to pursue anything with Fred.

Fred and I only talked online during this whole time period, mind you. I mean, I saw him at graduation, but that's about it. I realized that my relationship with him was trespassing the boundaries that I had set up when I was afraid to tell Tommy that Fred didn't want him at the movies with us ('us' being Fred, Jacob, Cat, and I). That night I told Tommy everything, with some questions he wanted answered and with other various pokes and prods.

Ever since then, we've never been better. We see each other practically every weekend, he calls me on his smoke breaks at work, and we talk when he gets home.

I keep thinking though, like, what if he gets sick of me? Like, some weekend we don't hang out and he's like 'Hey. .. this is pretty awesome!', y'know? I don't know. All I really want is for him to be happy, and if I can help him do that and be happy with him, then that's what I'll do.

I really honestly do think he's the one you guys.

I know you aren't SUPPOSED to meet the person you want to marry in high school, but I'm not exactly the most average American. I have attached earlobes for Christ's sake! That is DEFINITELY not common.

He's everything I want in a man: mind, body, and soul.

Especially that voice.
OH MY GOD, that voice.
If you have not heard that man talk, you better jump on that because his voice is just OH MY GOD.
I LOVE listening to him. Morning, noon, night, whenever and for whatever reason. I just love his voice. Especially when he's tired and half-asleep. Jesus. That's the best. God, and he's sexy when he's sleeping. Anytime he comes over and he and I are just sitting on the couch, I'll play with his hair and rub his back just to see if he'll go to sleep.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

He is so incredibly handsome.
Those lips.
Those eyes.
His cheekbones.
That nose!

I love his nose <3333

That might sound weird, but I don't care.
I don't care what anyone has to say about him anymore.
I will stick up for him until the day I die.

See, it's kind of creepy though.
I've gotten to the point where I'm trying to decide which sounds better: